A Little Sting

I enjoyed a deliciously decadent afternoon recently - it started with a fashion show, a cocktail and afternoon tea and progressed to prosecco and funny, deep conversations over pizza later. A really good day, which was all the more special because a) it was with good friends and b) not the way I normally punch in a Saturday. Maybe if I spent every Saturday quaffing pear bellinis, I'd be like just so over it and it would be sooooo boring....I doubt it, mind you, but maybe.


From time to time, one of us would proclaim out of the blue, "Check us out sitting here at 4 o'clock on a Saturday! Right now, I'd be doing the ironing/ cooking the dinner / pushing swings." Then we'd all laugh and nod and agree how we could so easily get used to this.

 Later, we pottered down the road, bumping into a few familiar faces, and then sat outside and sipped prosecco in the late afternoon sunshine, under patio heaters obvs - it IS Ireland after all.  When a mutual friend walked past and saw our little group, she came over to say hello, and when we started chatting she laughingly said something to me without thinking - just a careless comment, but it drained the pleasure from the moment and took the sparkle off my afternoon.

It was nothing really, a remark without malice, probably prompted by her more typical Saturday and the fact that we usually only catch up on Facebook these days. 'Are you ever at home with those kids?' she said breezily and then went on to chat about other things, but the truth is, I felt winded, kicked in the stomach, even though I know she meant no harm.

In that moment, it didn't matter that I was feeling a little fragile about our eldest going on her first school trip, or the three loads of laundry I'd ploughed through that morning, along with the guilt fuelled pasta prepared dish for the boys' dinner, and the bread and butter pudding for dessert.

It didn't matter that I've chosen to be at home full time with the children, and that it can all get a bit much sometimes, and actually I was really looking forward to a carefree day with friends. At that moment, I just felt like a crappy, selfish mother and the sparkle of the day all but evaporated.

I really had only myself to blame. My mum always told me that I'm too sensitive, I take too much to heart and I read too much into things.  I also realise that Facebook can create only a partial image of one's life - for me, Facebook is generally a happy place, and I tend to post the happy, fun or interesting stuff going on, while the boring, the grumpy, or the humdrum...not so much. Of course, there's plenty of that going on too....but I suppose sometimes it may not look that way.

 But why did I care? Why didn't I laugh it off, secure in the fact that I'm with my children more than most, in their faces more than they'd like, and that a break does us all the power of good. And anyway, weren't they enjoying quality time with their Da?

Because I think it touched on that insecurity  way down inside that so many of us share-the worry that we're just not doing a good enough job. Whether we're working full time, part time or are at home with the kids, we all make compromises. Personally, I've never met a mammy who's declared 'Everything's perfect! I've got the whole work and family thing totally sussed!' And thank God for that, because we'd all know she was lying through her teeth anyway.

 Circumstances, personalities, finances - along the way we make different lifestyle choices, but I honestly believe that ultimately, we all want the same thing - to meet everyone's needs as best as we can, and just keep the whole bloody show on the road. If someone falls off we scoop them up, but we keep right on moving. We keep 'er lit and we do our best every single day, because that's just what mammies do.

Of course some days are easier  than others, and some days we might make a right old mess of it, but thankfully we're in it for the long haul. And if we get a chance to take a break, for an hour, an afternoon, or a weekend then I think it's perfectly acceptable to grab it with both hands, and often a necessity if one's sanity is at stake.

And besides, once in a while, I find that it's lovely not to be Mammy and just be me, and forget about all the lists and responsibilities, as an afternoon slips into an evening, unshaped by bath and bedtime routines. Inevitably, I laugh and relax, my batteries recharge, and after a while, I start to feel a little yearning to be home again amidst my tribe.
 

So the next time someone makes a  remark, simply because they're having a different sort of day, or they're at a different stage of raising children, or they simply have an image on Facebook  that's a little more glossy than reality, I'll do my best not to let it fan those embers of mummy guilt. Instead, I'll just be grateful that I'm lucky enough to be getting a break, safe in the knowledge that I'll be making  lunches and wiping bums again soon enough!

Laters Lovelies xxx

All the Bizz- The MAD Blog Awards 2014

For those of you who didn't catch my slightly hysterical Facebook post the other night, (which strictly speaking I'm off for Lent, but say nothing), I received the MAJOR news that I'm a finalist in the MAD Blog Awards again this year. Which means that I'm one of only 59 finalists out of the 2000 nominated!! Can you believe it? And in two categories as well- Schooldays and Most Entertaining.

 All those times that little voice in my head tells me not to even bother, and that NO ONE wants to read my nonsense anyway, well, this tells me something different. Or the other voice in there that reminds me that Adventures of an Unfit Mother is a very, very small fish in a very big Bloggy pond, but sure what do you expect when you don't understand Google + and you're not even on Instagram? It reminds me that actually, I have a lot of lovely, loyal readers who took the time out of their day to nominate me anyway. So, in a very rambling roundabout way what I'm saying is THANK YOU, to each and everyone of you, and I'm very grateful that you did.

Because as of today,  I got me my brand new finalist badge -check it out to your right>>>>>
It also means that I'm off to London in September for the Awards, so I'll be pulling on ye olde Spanx , wearing a spanking new dress, getting tiddley on all those free drinkies and having a bit of craic with a few other mad bloggers out there. Who knows, I may even have a bit of slap and tickle with a random Cbeebies presenter? (It was Dr Raj last year, but I would positively DIE if I met Justin)

But here's the sting-as a finalist, I still need your votes to be in with a snowball's chance in hell of winning either one of my categories. But a wee birdie told me that it's been done before....and I would sooo love to do it again, so would you take a moment and cast your vote for me in the School Days and Most Entertaining categories?
Right now, I'm blowing you virtual kisses and I promise I'll post lots of photos of the big Awards night....even my most embarrassing and least flattering ones. What the heck, I may even Instagram them!
 Laters lovelies, Emma xx

PS while you're on there do take a look at the other finalists- you are absolutely guaranteed to find new blogs to love. Some of my favs are Hurrah for Gin in the New Blogs category , Three Children and It in School Days, and of course Frugal Queen who's in all the rest! Enjoy xxx

Any Chance?

To be honest, I wasn't going to go in for it this year. Don't misunderstand me, it was completely fabulous and such a confidence boost to win twice- I know-can you believe it? But it's true and I've got the badges to prove it! The thing is though, over the last few months, I've been trying to concentrate more on writing fiction, (don't even ask how it's going), and yet, I always find myself being drawn back here, time and again, to shoot the breeze with you lovely lot!

I'm also utterly crap at the whole PR side of things, which is, believe it or not, of great importance if you want to grow your blog and get it noticed. One blogger I know estimates that she spends just as much time doing the whole social media/ blogging platforms side of things,  as she does writing. Whereas I basically write something, hit the Facebook button ...and eh, that's it....Which could possibly be why her blog is going from strength to strength, and mine is, well, just puttering along.

Another issue is that as a rule, I'm not really into doing reviews on the blog...although yes, before you remind me, I DID sell my soul for a free Sodastream a while back, but what can I say, except that I'm only human! (And maybe this is also a good time to state that I'd also be willing to make an exception for any airlines or champagne distributors out there who'd like anything reviewed, anything at all...call me... we'll do lunch.)

Last, but not least, I don't particularly like asking you to do stuff...like voting for me, for example- I always feel a bit awkward and pushy about it. So when the MAD blogs 2014 were launched last week, and there was all kinds of frenzied activity all over Facebook and Twitter, I decided to just ignore it and give it a miss this year.

Then something happened last night. I got a tweet telling me that I'd been nominated, so even though I hadn't mentioned it or asked at all- someone, somewhere had decided to go and vote for me...and I gotta say, I was very very touched. But then I found myself in a dilemma, do I just ignore the nomination or ask once again, for your help? And seeing as I'm writing a post about it, you' ve probably guessed it's the latter.

So peeps, if you have a minute-and I promise that's all it takes, would you pop over here and cast your vote for Adventures of an Unfit Mother? It would be A-MAZING to get through to the finals again AND raise my profile a bit too.

You see, sometimes on a down day I ask myself why I'm writing at all, and question who on earth would want to read what I have to say, and then I look at all the lovely feedback, and I remember that lots of you took the time to vote for me last year...and the year before that, and I feel very lucky.

So if you're still with me, and haven't dozed off,  would you mind doing it again? You can nominate me in as many categories as you like- and I'd be very flattered if you did - but I'm thinking that my blog slots pretty well into the 'Schooldays' one?

Finally, what can I say now except thank you, I really DO appreciate it massively ....and I'll keep you posted!
 Emma xx

Monday Matters

Monday morning, and I've got myself a stinker of a cold so don't come anywhere near me in case you catch it. My uncle once advised to 'feed a cold and starve a flu', which despite having no medical basis whatsoever, conveniently justified the huge plates of buttered toast in front of 'Going for Gold'. Unfortunately though, today is my 5:2 fast day...and here's a fun fact for you- Lemsip has actual calories which therefore must be counted, which is just wrong.

Anyway, moving on from the pity party, tomorrow's October- can you believe it? Especially after that glorious balmy weekend we just enjoyed, and so much for my annual autumnal wardrobe clear out a few weeks ago-sure,the t shirts were hoked out all over again!

This weeks busy for me- I'm starting New Stuff. Stuff that I couldn't do before I had ALL five children at school, and to quote Roald Dahl's Enormous Crocodile, (I've clearly been at home with children for far too long), 'I've got secret plans and clever tricks'.
Which isn't entirely true, but I've always wanted to say that, and actually, as it happens, this week I'm starting a  writing class, AND, (slightly more scarily), a two year course exploring faith and spirituality. I know! Who knew?

On top of that, I've decided to polish up my vocal chords and try and make a little cash singing at weddings and funerals. Which isn't really new for me- I've been singing at them for years on and off, mostly for family and friends. The difference is that I've never sought them out before, and that's mainly been down to a)a lack of time and b)a shed load of nerves.

So, I'd been half considering a few lessons to help with my confidence and tighten up certain key  pieces, when last week I spotted a Groupon deal, bought it on the spot and my first singing lesson in twenty years is this week as well. No pressure then. Oh, and despite feeling like a bit of a grim reaper, I stuck my name in the church bulletin stating my availability for funerals, but no luck as yet.....that actually sounds bad but you know what I mean!

In case you're wondering, with all this talk of change afoot, I've put the tattoo idea on the back burner for now. Honestly, I had no idea it would be such a polarising topic when I put it on the blog, and it certainly led to a lively discussion on Facebook - everyone has VERY definite opinions on the matter! I really loved hearing them all too, but I can't deny that it gave me a leetle bit of a speed wobble about the whole idea!

 Now, that may be because I hadn't thought it through properly, and was therefore somewhat undecided in the first place (in which case the wobble's a good thing) .... or it could be that, in general, I have a tendency to doubt the validity of my own decisions in the face of adversity (which isn't such a good thing when you think about it.)

Either way though, I shall think deep thoughts and decide ...just not right now. Because right now, my nose is running and my eyes are scratchy and my head is fuzzy and I'm going to go throw caution to the winds  and treat myself to that Lemsip and sod the 5:2. Peace out lovelies xx

Friday Quicktakes

Our James and his new gorgeous son

1. Friday again and what a week it's been! Best of all, I have a new nephew- Baby Liam James Mc Loughlin arrived safely early in the week in California, the fourth child and third son of my brother James and his lovely wife Jaci. That makes a grand total of 17 grandchildren (12 boys and 5 girls) for the 'rents! (Go testosterone!) We won't get to meet him for few months, but its one of those (many!) occasions where I'm grateful for the Internet and Facebook- we see the pics and hear the bizz right away!
 I remember when Anna was born in America in 1999, and a techy Loverboy posted her first pictures (pre Facebook) for our amazed  family back home. ('You mean you just took these, and now we can see them all the way over here?') Now Anna's nearly fourteen and beyond thrilled because her Uncle James asked her to be baby Liam's godmother. There's something distinctly full circle about that which makes me feel very proud, and ever so slightly old, all at once.


2. The Dalai Lama was in Derry yesterday! It sounds like the opening line of a joke but no, the actual real life Dalai Lama was in the Maiden City and walked across the new Peace Bridge, with Catholic and Protestant school children- pretty awe inspiring when you think about it. Looking at the photos, I'm sure he must've found it a bit breezy on the bridge in those beautiful flowing robes- let's face it, weather wise Derry's no India-  but he seemed to manage just fine. Which is just as well, because even he were foundered, he can hardly throw on a Northface gilet  and a pom pom hat.

3. Slipping it in, totally casually at number 3, is the news that we've taken our house off the market. I think I finally realized how much we've got here, and that actually having Starbucks within walking distance isn't such a dealbreaker!
I took another look at the children and saw how happy and settled they are and questioned why I'd rock the boat. I looked around at my great friends and knew that no matter where we lived, I'd never get that lucky again.  I honestly think it took me to put leaving plans in place, before I realized how much part of the community we've become, almost without noticing, and how sad I'd be to leave it behind. Maybe someday things will change again, but for now we're staying put. I think I feel a party coming on!

4. It was B's birthday this week and myself and the Glenavy girlies (as previously mentioned!) had a little midweek wine and cake celebration for her. Anyway, we got to discussing kids singing along to tote inapprope song lyrics, and we were citing Rhianna and Katy Perry, to name a few. I suppose there's an assumption that this is a fairly recent phenomenon, but suddenly I remembered a time waaaaay back in 1982 when I was about 6, (okay, 11), and we were on a family day out, all packed like sardines into our old Volvo Estate- Granny, Granda, Mummy, Daddy and 5 kids. Well, there was a bit of a singsong going on (I don't think the Volvo had a radio) and it was my turn and off I went with  Charlene's 'Never Been to Me' -all three verses of it- I even did the heartfelt talky bit in the middle, hand on heart, eyes closed.  I couldn't understand why afterwards the adults  had faces like smacked arses and there wasn't even the tiniest round of applause.Awkward!

5. So even though its not a 'Booster seat boogie' as such- more of a slow sway- here it is, lyrics and all,  Charlene's totally OTT  'Never Been to Me'- I'm STILL lovin' it!
 Happy Friday my lovelies, Emmax

Friday Quick Takes

Works for me!

1.  So, Valentine's Day- how was it with you? Romance central or did you rise above all the overpriced, guilt induced commercialization of it all? Well, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me while I eat my words from the other day, because I DID receive my card, complete with a 'Perfect Wife' badge,(which I'll be casually wearing next time the M&S bill comes in), AND a rather large bouquet of flowers as well. Ahem.
Well if you MUST know, they were long stemmed roses beautifully wrapped in silvery muslin. Colour? Alright ALRIGHT! They were red!

I'll say no more!

Which meant that although totally blown away when I discovered them on the bed, part of me also realised that, darn it-I was duty bound to out this Valentine cliche on here, while also clocking the fact that Loverboy clearly wasn't the avid reader of my blog I'd assumed him to be! Ah well, sure they're absolutely gorgeous and I'm not thinking AT ALL about the fact they'll be 70% off today. (Oh God- I'm turning into my Ma).

2. Lent. I'm over it already and it's only just started! You see, for some annoying reason I've decided to take it seriously this year-as in to do stuff that tests and strengthens me as as a person, and not just stuff to help me lose a few lbs for Easter. So even though I'd assumed that I'd go off chocolate, in truth, I'm not a MASSIVE chocolate fiend, (one nightly little Lindt ball with a cuppa), so its not a huge sacrifice really.  And anyway, I'm already doing 2 fast days a week, so I reckon I'm pretty much covered in the food deprivation department.

All set for Lent!

Yes, I could go off wine during the week, but by default I don't actually drink wine during the week-too busy making lunches and checking homeworks-so that's hardly a stretch. And I know, I could go off wine altogether and that WOULD be tough, because there's nothing quite like that Friday glass or two at home, or the Saturday night out with friends, but childishly I justify that I've paid my dues with the ten year pregnancy/baby stint so I've a lot of catching up to do in that department!  Maybe I'll rethink circa Lent 2025.
Then I heard  that my good buddy Bronagh was giving up Facebook for Lent, as she also did last year, and I made the snap decision to join her, and seriously- for me, its a biggie! Between my blog, the craic and sheer nosiness of it all,  I do enjoy Facebook....maybe even a bit too much...so I know this is gonna hurt! Once I made the decision though, I quickly deleted the app from my phone and  went cold turkey- I knew that there could be no looking back and no long goodbyes!

As a family, we're also eschewing all electronic devices from 6pm during the week. That means no Leap Pad, DS, computer, IPads or internet of any kind from Monday to Thursday. Considering I watch TV at night while surfing Ebay/Amazon/Facebook on my iPad, this one's a challenge...but again, possibly a positive one? Finally I'm 'strongly encouraging' regular Trocaire donations from all family members (Intimidation anyone?) and attending a weekly series of Lenten talks. Phew! And if I manage to do all that I'll be doing well....watch this space!

3. Staying on the Lenten theme- Bless me Father for I have sinned, I went through my sky + box and deleted the entire series of 'Africa'. I mean what kind of person deletes David Attenborough and saves Gok Wan? It's SO wrong but what can I say?  I didn't like the look of my percentages and once I started hitting that yellow button and feeling that heady excitement as I watched those numbers creep up, I couldn't stop 'til I'd done the lot. And to be completely honest, although I loved the first episode, I found the second a bit 'ho hum' and the kids kept making excuses about homework and piano practice every time I suggested watching it, so unfortunately it was just a question of when. Still I'm not proud of it so that'll be 10 Hail Marys and a Glory Be for me. 

4.  Our 'Carseat Boogie' this week? Well, this song came on the other day and immediately I was transported back  20+ years, watching Otis and the Elevators, (a local 'Blues Brothers' Tribute band) with a pile of friends in a crowded bar. Tassle skirts and DMs, cider and black and White Musk, sneaky fags and cheeky snogs. Good times ....lost in my reverie, I then happened to glance into the rearview mirror and there was Luke, oblivious to me, boogying away in the back, eyes closed, totally lost in the music. Hope you like it too.....Happy Friday loveliesxxx


PS If you haven't already I'd be most grateful if you'd take a wee minute and nominate me in the MAD (Mum and Dad) Blog Awards 2013.( The closing date for nominations is February 18th and just pick whichever categories you think are suitable).
Thanks a million, Emxx

Down to Earth with a Bump!

Ah well, all good things must come to an end. Isn't that an awful glass half empty, buzzkill of an expression, though? To me, it smacks of Mondays and holidays ending and diets starting and bloody loads of ironing....or maybe I'm just reading too much into it?

The cocktail bar in The Merchant

 Fittingly, the media whirlwind of last week was topped off with a wee night away in the Merchant* with Loverboy-only the fanciest schmanciest hotel in Belfast! It was a gift for his recent (big) birthday from his brother and sister in law, and it even included babysitting! Now, THAT'S what I call a present! Don't take this the wrong way but, (speaking for myself), it was a zillion times better than last year's gift of sewer rods.  Although not an obvious gift choice, they've proved to be very useful in their own way, and Loverboy certainly seems to spend many a happy hour outside, sticking them down drains or whatever else you do with them.
That said, I'd be lying if I said that this year's gift wasn't much closer to my own heart, and even though it wasn't technically my present, I can enjoy it too, non? And logically, as my appreciation likely deepens HIS enjoyment, everyone's a winner here!
So, into the Big Smoke we went, straight to the brand new Mac for a constitutional glass of wine and a yummy cheese and ham toastie, which was somewhat pretentiously named a Croque Monsieur. (Or maybe they were being ironic? I'm not sure.) Then it was off around the town, soaking up the atmosphere and having a mooch in the shops.

Nice work, if you can get it!

I just HAD to show you the picture of this boyo though, (and yes we did put money in his basket!). Is this not the laziest bit of busking you've ever seen in your life? What basically happens is, he sticks on a bit of music and then kicks back while the two giant Tiny Tears up the front do all the work! Not a bad gig at all and it got me thinking about 'Billy Bass' on the wall in the playroom.He's a fish on a plaque that wriggles about and sings 'Dont Worry, Be Happy' and 'Take me to the River'. Now, what's to stop me bringing Billy,  a load of batteries, a picnic, a deck chair, and most importantly of all, a sturdy cash receptacle, and setting up in Corn Market some Saturday afternoon? Bound to be worth a few quid surely, and the craic'd be ninety!

To the manor born..

After that, it was off to the Merchant, and up to our HUGE art deco inspired room- pure luxury-it even had gold leather cushioned doors on the wardrobe, and a mirror with lights right around it, just like in Cabaret! I was in heaven! Honestly though, how does one stay in a Holiday Inn after this? For me, the answer is an unequivocal 'they don't !' (unless of course, you've 5 kids in tow, in which case all bets are off.)
 We went up for a nosy to the top floor, where there's a gym, (as if) and an outdoor hot tub looking out over the city. Perfect for quaffing champers in, but unfortunately, another couple had the same idea. Himself and myself couldn't be arsed making small talk, and besides, I'd just had a blow dry and hadn't shaved my legs, so we headed back to the room to languish happily, reading magazines and 'double Apple-ing'**(Me!), before heading out for dinner.
 In the midst of all this relaxation, I became terribly distracted by a photograph, posted by a friend on my Facebook wall, of one of the most delicious caramel squares I'd ever clapped eyes on. Instantly demanding to know who supplied her, she informed me of an entire stall dedicated to tray bakes in St. George's market -just ponder on that for a moment- because quite frankly, I've been able to think of little else ever since. So in the name of research, I'm off to see the wizard next weekend and I intend to stockpile several- I even plan on testing their freezability potential, but don't fret, I'll give you a full and detailed analysis.
It has to be said, that it was the loveliest of twenty four hours- my only complaint was that it wasn't long enough! One minute I was in the Great Room in the Merchant having a 3 course breakfast, and the next, (or so it seemed!), putting on a wash and making the lunches. Talk about down to earth with a bump! Then again, maybe it helps you appreciate it all the more? And sure, as someone helpfully reminded me- all good things must come to an end....
 * I am not being sponsored to give lovely compliments to this hotel....but I SO would if I was asked.*bats eyelashes*
** Managing two Apple products simultaneously. 


I MAY have mentioned this before ;-) but I'm a finalist in two categories in the MAD Blog Awards. If you're feeling any love at all for this wee blog, I'd really appreciate it if you could vote for me in the Family Life category (the other one is decided by judges). Here's the link- http://www.the-mads.com/vote.htm and thank you very much xxxx
PS While you're there, check out the other finalists-who'd have believed there were so many amazing blogs out there?

Toddler Terrorist

Don't be fooled-he's hardcore....

So, just a little follow up on last week- about two minutes after I wrote that sweet little post about sweet little Luke, he turned two and morphed into Devil Child. Quickly it soon became clear that he'd got the 'Terrible Twos' memo, and decided to give it his all. For example, on a whim, he's taken to shouting loudly just for the sake of it- not necessarily in anger or frustration- just out of the blue, and because he knows that the entire room will turn to look at him. Then he just smiles angelically, and goes back to whatever he was doing.

Similarly, his new, and wonderfully refreshing way of getting my undivided attention, is to scream, (and I mean SCREAM), 'Maaaaammmmmmy' right in my face. I'll grudgingly admit that I may share some fault  because I don't always 'hear' first time around. (I mean please- I know I'm wheeling out the old 'I've got 5 kids' card here, but if I 'heard', never mind reacted to, every single 'mammy' uttered in a day, I wouldn't get a minute's peace, and they're too few and bloody far between as it is).

So yes, I could be on the phone, in conversation, reading an email, nosying on Facebook, nosying on Twitter, engaged with another child, or even on the loo, FFS, but none of this matters to  Luke in the slightest. He goes straight from zero to hero, ramping it up right away, thus propelling himself straight onto my radar. So on assessment, yes, I suppose it's really working out for him. For me though, not so much.

Things came to a headmelting climax at Mass last Sunday. Quick back story-we go to the 930am Mass- partly habit, partly because there's a 'kids's club', but regardless, it's an early start. We're up and at it, (with or without hangovers), by 8am, and getting the kids up, washed, fed and watered  is no picnic, but by this stage- and I don't want to overstate here- we're pros. The older four are great in the church itself, no worries there, but Luke has been a bit of an unknown quantity of late-he could really go either way, and this week he most definitely went the wrong way.
You see, every Sunday for months, sooner or later, one of us have had to do the walk of shame down the church with a squirming, squealing toddler, and on those extra special days, when he's really kicked off, we end up outside the church completely. But, as this hadn't happened for about, oh, 3 or 4 weeks, we'd got ahead of ourselves, and moved from tentatively patting each other on the back, to openly congratulating one another for coming out the other side.
 'Woohoo! Well, we stuck at it and now we've turned a corner.' (Said expansively.)
'He didn't break us.'
'You're the best!'
'No, you're the best.'
'No, you are.'
'No, you.'
You get the picture.  Thus, it was with a certain complacency, and a new, (utterly misplaced), confidence, that we arrived for Mass last week, so when Luke the Terrible rolled in, he caught us completely off guard.  Before it even started, he had begun to limber up and none of the usual charms were working (Toast? Check. Dummy? Check. Books? Check. Quiet soft toy? Check). The noise and stress levels climbed steadily, and it all went down hill from there really. Fast forward ten minutes to me, almost in tears outside the church, unable to even LOOK at him I was so cross. A final, last ditch attempt, to sneak quietly in the back, was abandoned when he gave me the proverbial one fingered salute, by going rigid and squealing at the top of his lungs as soon as I opened the door. At that point, I threw in the towel and it was bowed and broken, that I dragged him to the car and drove home. (Leaving everyone else high and dry for a lift but thankfully it was a fine,(if chilly), day for a good stretch of the legs). As for our resident mini terrorist, if I've learned anything, it's never trust a toddler. Yes, he may have won the battle, but I'm playing the long game and some day victory WILL be mine!

A Bit of This, That and the Other...

Totally pulling it off

This week, Loverboy and I at last jumped headfirst into 'Homeland', and I have to say that I'm completely hooked! Also, and I won't deny it, there's a smug pleasure in only being on episode 4, while the rest of the country is wailing and gnashing their teeth at the series' end. And the thrill of taking it in turns to fast forward through the ads? Let's just say it doesn't get old...I wonder is it wrong to love Sky+ this much?

 The downside of all that of course, is having to be on Spoiler Avoidance Alert all the time! It's a MINEFIELD out there between TV, Facebook, twitter and just general conversations. I've already had to do the 'fingers in the ears La la la, don't tell me, don't tell me!' three times this week.
And isn't Claire Danes tote amaze? And Damien Lewis as well. I mean, obviously I don't rate him hotness wise,

Soames-such a gen

( it's the old ginger/ginger clash I've touched on before), but as an actor he's fabulous. I really thought that I'd never be able to get past his 'Soames' persona, (Forsyte Saga-boxset it) but now I'm all 'Soames who?' (Oh and FYI apparently he's lovely IRL too- he was filling up his car recently in a garage in Belfast and my uncle spotted him and  started chatting and he just couldn't have been nicer...I just LOVE to hear stories like that.)
Speaking of Twitter, I absolutely 'get it' now! I tried it about a year ago but clearly I wasn't focused enough, and I slunk back over to Facebook. Then recently,well frankly, I was  too afraid of missing something, so I gave it another go and sure it's great craic altogether.. It's basically people dropping in and out for a bit of a yarn as they muddle through their days. The whole 140 characters  was a bit tricky at first, but it really forces you to think snappily (and wittily!). It sharpens and hones the mind.... like sudoku, only with gossip and jokes.
You 'follow' people, which means you get to see their tweets, but they have to 'follow' you to see yours, unless you tweet them directly. So slebs have thousands, sometimes millions of followers, but they actually follow relatively few. This is where it can get a bit playgroundy- everyone's vying to be the wittiest/cleverest/rudest, with the ultimate prize being a retweet or even better a direct tweet from your fave sleb. It's easy to get caught up in that, I suppose, but actually far better fun if you don't. That said,  I was BEYOND THRILLED to have a little interaction with Marian Keyes, (the very same!), who I LOVE LOVE LOVE, and where else could you do that? And isn't it marvelous it's even possible at all?
The other big news around here is that it's Cormac's First Holy Communion this Saturday. The school's trying to keep the numbers down to three per family (boooo!), but that ain't happening around here. I mean, I've been utterly ruthless, and we're STILL sitting at eleven. Oooops...looks like I'll need to hide a few of them up my skirt.
Afterwards, it'll be a stampede back here for barbecue, bouncy castle and (obviously) wine. The weather isn't playing ball right now, and of course a gorgeous day would be fabulous, but I'm not overly concerned. I mean, I've witnessed Loverboy and Mr Bouncy Castle, (whose name I shamefully don't know, but I've rented too many bouncy castles now to ask him), tie it down to the drive on lawn mower, in a sleeting wind tunnel, and it STILL didn't stop the kids wrapping up and getting out there...(and honestly, only the bare minimum of 'encouragement' was required ;-)) ) catch ya later, Emx

Its all about Me Me Me...

It's Mothers Day on Sunday, so this week brought the annual joy of self esteem-sapping homeworks. How could I have forgotten? Or maybe I just blocked it out?
Rory's involved three sentences on 'Things I like to do with my Mummy'. Not too hard surely? I sighed inwardly as I looked at his blank little face, and the inevitable prompting began.
'What do we like to do together Rory? How about listening to stories? Do you like it when I read to you?'
'Wellllll, Daddy usually does that. Can I include him?'
'No you can't.' I snapped, stung. 'Its about Mummy, not Daddy. He reads to you because I'm reading Harry Potter to Cormac or bathing Luke, and you can write ALL about him on Fathers'Day'. (And for the record, I don't recall HIM pushing your inordinately large head into the world without pain relief.)
Jude stepped in at that point, possibly sensing a rise in frustration levels.
' How about making pancakes, Rory? You loved making pancakes with Mummy on Pancake Tuesday?'
I nodded gratefully, determinedly ignoring the fact that I had used a powdered Betty Crocker mix, and his sole participation involved shaking a plastic container as vigorously as he could. But he decided to run with that one, and another about going to the park, (even though it's been a while), and then, his eyes lit up, 'I know, Mummy!'
'Yes, Rory?', (trying not to sound TOO eager but mentally punching the air.)
'What about you bringing me to Funderland? I LOVED doing that!' Oh, the innocent cruelty of a six year old.
'But Rory, that wasn't me. That was Auntie Mary.'
'Oh!' A pause. 'Well, what about a funfair? I'd love to go there! Or Toys R Us?'
 'NO! It has to be places that we've been to, not places you just want to go.' He was either missing the point entirely or very cunningly playing on my insecurity in a clever attempt to nail down future expeditions.
It only went downhill from there. Cormac had to 'interview' me, (and I use that term in the loosest possible sense), over the course of two nights. The first night involved describing what I looked like- a no brainer, you might think? So, I smiled my most winning mummy smile and prompted encouragingly,
'Well, Cormac- what does mummy look like?' I'm not ashamed to admit that I was quietly hoping for 'pretty' but, after an entire minute of scrutinizing my face, all he could come up with was 'You have ginger eyebrows'. End of.
Only slightly put off, I explained that his teacher might possibly be looking for a little more description so he had another good look. 'Errrm. your hair is ginger like your eyebrows..' (Enough about the eyebrows already. Who am I? Chris de Burgh? )
'What else Cormac? What about my eyes? What colour are they?'
'Emmmmmmmmmmm, blue.' And so it continued in this vein for what seemed like hours. Blood. From. A. Stone. Eventually it was done, and except for the eyebrows, I can honestly say that Cormac did not offer a single, original or unprompted observation. 
So my expectations were somewhat modified as we got cracking on 'My Mummy' Part Deux last night. This, rather optimistically, requested several paragraphs on 'Mummy's Job, Interests, Talents, Likes and Dislikes'. *laughs hysterically* After 15 minutes of deep thought,  the only interest of mine that he could come up with was 'going on Facebook'.
'You're not putting that in. It's not true anyway. What about music? Or my blog? Or Bookclub? Or taking Children's Liturgy? Or shoes? You KNOW  that Mummy loves shoes'.
'Oh yeah. I forgot about all those.' And so on.
'What job do I do then?'
'But, you don't have a job!'
'Well, my job is looking after the five of you! Do you think I just sit and read magazines all day?' I  asked him jovially. He didn't get the joke.
'I don't know. Do you?'
'No, I bloody don't. Do you know that Mummy has a BSc , a PGCE and an MA? With distinction, I might add!!' In retrospect, and judging by the alarmed expression on Cormacs face, this may possibly have been a little shrill. Offer it up.
'Alright then, just put down there that I used to be a teacher.'
The end was in sight. Thank God. It was-'Write about why your Mummy is special.' So determined to end on a high, I said with a breezy 'I could tell you all about why I'm special, Cormac', (giggle giggle), 'but you have to write this bit yourself. Come on now, really try hard.'
He scratched his chin. 'Emmmmm. I can't really think of anything. Let me see, you make our dinner and you look after us.'
'Yeeeeessssss I do. Anything else, though? Really think hard about why I'm special now'. By now, a distinct note of desperation has crept into my voice.
'Okay.' Deep in thought. 'I know!!!!' ' You pay for the oil!', he said triumphantly.
Well no, I don't as it happens, because I don't have a job, you see...but I didn't tell him that. I just smiled sweetly, while inwardly I crashed and burned. And if it hadn't been four o'clock, and I still had school runs and homework and dinner to do, then this ginger eye browed, Jeremy Kyle watching, jobless Facebook fanatic would have poured herself a very large glass of wine.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly...

Snippity snip!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Okay, okay, I may be overstating somewhat, but there's no doubt, that as weekends go, I've had more exciting. I mean, missing Christy Moore and the hotel breakfast WAS a bit of a bummer, but on the upside, I got loads done at home, and even managed to bully everyone else in to helping out as well. The four boys' hairs were cut, some more successfully than others, and despite what it may look like, drink was not taken at the time. All the beds were stripped, washed and changed, pictures that were sitting in a forlorn little pile for months were finally hung, and an overworked, seriously manky washing machine received its first proper clean ever. Who's the mammy, wha? (I want a t-shirt with that on it)

On top of all that, it was the weekend that my sister found THE DRESS for her September wedding. After an extended morning of all things bridal, a final summit was held at ours over tray bakes yesterday, and a blessedly unanimous motion passed. And it IS completely fabulous. (Oh God, at this moment, I'm having a selfish panic, as I envisage being the oldest, fattest bridesmaid slash matron of honor in the bridal party...or possibly ever. Unfortunately 'doing a Pippa' just isn't an option but I SO would if I could-Sorry Clare-it's dog eat dog!)

I also spent a considerable amount of time on the couch, working hard at getting my skybox memory percentages up. There's something so very satisfying about hitting that delete button and seeing those numbers rise. On Saturday night, despite lobbying hard for 'Pretty in Pink', I was completely vetoed by Loverboy, so we compromised and watched 'The Little Fockers' instead. Well, all I can say is, that just because a movie has De Niro in it, doesn't make it worth watching- what a load of old crap!





Oui, Oui!

Then last night, I took a gamble on the new Sarah Millican show- I admit that I had expected great things from a woman who could chat on Graham Norton, in front of millions and P Diddy, about her boyfriend going 'down there'...but how wrong I was. She was wooden and cliched and boring- IMHO, give her a wide berth. 



Speaking of  Graham Norton though, did you see his show on Friday ? He had Gerard Depardieu on and- I'm going out on a limb here- by the end of the show, I would definitely have jumped his well upholstered bones. Despite the fact that he won't see sixty again, relieves himself in bottles, is missing a tooth and has the crookedest nose I've ever seen, he definitely has... je ne sais quoi! Am I alone on this one? ...Anyone?



Damian Lewis was also on- never mind 'Homeland' , he'll always be 'Soames' from the 'Forsyte Saga' for me. He IS handsome on paper but, as a very good scientist friend of mine once informed me, apparently it's genetically impossible for gingers to fancy gingers, and from my own emperical research, I suspect she's right. Enough said. Also on Graham's couch, was that cheeky chappie Olly Murs, but I'm possibly getting old, because he just seems SO very young, and as for that awful Essex accent....it was so bad I had to put him on mute. Finally, there was Dominic West....well, you just would, wouldn't you? I mean, definitely as 'Mc Nulty'  but possibly not as 'Fred West', which  clearly shows how versatile an actor he is, I suppose.

To offset all that TV, we went for a family walk/ cycle  yesterday afternoon. Now, that sounds so simple and relaxing, but it was actually anything but. After the inevitable half hour spent blowing up tyres, tightening gears and fixing brakes, there followed a 15 minute search for helmets randomly discarded at the end of last summer. Finally, we set off to the soundtrack of  'Keep In!  I SAID Keep In!' You're in the middle of the road! KEEP IN!' (and under the breath FFSing). En route and disgusted by the rubbish lying over the road, I then initiated a litter pick and we filled an entire bin liner with Strongbow cans and fast food wrappings. Littering has to be my absolute pet hate- never mind a £100 fine, it would be a public flogging if I were in charge.....So it's maybe just as well that I'm not!, Emx

 Oh, I nearly forgot-I also got a Facebook page sorted for my blog this weekend, along with a 'Like' button at the top of this page, (just one of the many benefits of being married to a nerd!) So, make it look a bit less pathetic, and 'like' me, please please please....