Friday Quicktakes

1. Over the last six weeks, I have sold my entire wardrobe on ebay and now I haven't a stitch to wear. Ahem. Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration- as Himself observed helpfully last night it still looks pretty well stocked to him, and then my sister cheerily pointed out that the fact I had so much to sell in the first place, said a lot more about my shopaholic tendencies, than my business acumen.

Myself and the lady in the post office are now besties- she'll refer to my numerous grey packages and make comments like  'Just the usual then for all of them?' and ' Your husband must be delighted with you!' and 'Now, who would even think of buying tights on ebay!?'

But thankfully for me,  some people do, which is just as well given the fact that so far, I've excavated fifteen unopened pairs from my drawer. A lovely selection too- tights and stockings of all different colours and deniers and yep, they were snapped up in no time.

But why on earth did I buy them all in the first place? Especially when I only wear skirts once or twice a year. Well, I think my logic was that I really should wear more skirts, and if I had the perfect tights, I would wear more skirts, and then they just sneaked in one by one over a few years until one day I opened the drawer and thought 'My God! Those tights are actually breeding in there.' (Frozen chickens and now tights- is this what a midlife crisis looks like?)

Conclusion- After extensive statistical analysis clearly showed no positive correlation between the number of tights in my drawer, and the frequency of skirt wearing, the tights' days were numbered. Photos were taken, descriptions written and they were uploaded to my ebay in no time at all...... and the skirts followed fairly sharpish.

2. Mother's Day this weekend, which has meant horrid time consuming Mothers' Day homeworks all week.  It. Is. Like. Pulling. Teeth.
 Rory, after a huge amount of thought and deliberation counted 'folding clothes' as one of my talents. Well, I was deeply touched obvs.
He also felt it important to include the fact that I had 'lots and lots of shoes.' Great, Imelda Markos with OCD tendencies. But the question is, is that better or worse than the previous classic of  'My Mummy has ginger eyebrows.The end.'

Conclusion-there is no positive correlation between Mothers' Day Homeworks and maternal self esteem. In fact, emperical evidence suggests that there may actually be a negative correlation instead.

3. I'm off this weekend with the girls*  for an overnight to Dublin....as in, a hotel + gossip+ no children + lots of  Prosecco + a lie in. Hell, I'm even looking forward to the hangover. But is it a teensy bit wrong that a night away from your kids is like the best Mother's Day present EVER? Don't answer that.

4. In honour of Mother's Day I'm going to include a themed Amazon ad instead of the usual Boogie in the Car seat. I warn you now-it's a bit cheeky, but I hope it gives you a giggle.
Happy Mothers Day, lovelies xxx

* All the 'girls' are in their thirties (or maybe very early forties...even if they totally don't look it) and are all married with children, so strictly speaking, are no longer girls. However, the mothership still enjoys early bird suppers  meals out with her loyal band of ' girls' and those chicks are all kicking the arse off seventy, so I'm running with it.

PS. I'm still officially on a high at being a finalist again in the MAD Blog Awards. Will you take a minute and give me your vote in the Family Life and Most Entertaining categories? I know it's a torture, but it's dead quick and it could mean an actual prize come September....rumour has it that it may even be a year's supply of Caramel Squares, so I'm highly motivated.xxxx

Rude....but Funny!

You may have already seen it- the new Amazon commercial for Mother's Day with about a zillion hits? My friend J told me about it last week, and given the fact that nearly every woman I know has read or is reading this particular book, I thought it only fair to share!  It's cheeky, I'll admit, so those of you who are easily offended, or generally quite holy may want to give this one a miss. (That's you, Ma, so just keep on moving, there's nothing to see here.) The rest of you Dirtbirds - don't say I'm not good to you-enjoy!

Friday Quick Takes

Works for me!

1.  So, Valentine's Day- how was it with you? Romance central or did you rise above all the overpriced, guilt induced commercialization of it all? Well, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me while I eat my words from the other day, because I DID receive my card, complete with a 'Perfect Wife' badge,(which I'll be casually wearing next time the M&S bill comes in), AND a rather large bouquet of flowers as well. Ahem.
Well if you MUST know, they were long stemmed roses beautifully wrapped in silvery muslin. Colour? Alright ALRIGHT! They were red!

I'll say no more!

Which meant that although totally blown away when I discovered them on the bed, part of me also realised that, darn it-I was duty bound to out this Valentine cliche on here, while also clocking the fact that Loverboy clearly wasn't the avid reader of my blog I'd assumed him to be! Ah well, sure they're absolutely gorgeous and I'm not thinking AT ALL about the fact they'll be 70% off today. (Oh God- I'm turning into my Ma).

2. Lent. I'm over it already and it's only just started! You see, for some annoying reason I've decided to take it seriously this year-as in to do stuff that tests and strengthens me as as a person, and not just stuff to help me lose a few lbs for Easter. So even though I'd assumed that I'd go off chocolate, in truth, I'm not a MASSIVE chocolate fiend, (one nightly little Lindt ball with a cuppa), so its not a huge sacrifice really.  And anyway, I'm already doing 2 fast days a week, so I reckon I'm pretty much covered in the food deprivation department.

All set for Lent!

Yes, I could go off wine during the week, but by default I don't actually drink wine during the week-too busy making lunches and checking homeworks-so that's hardly a stretch. And I know, I could go off wine altogether and that WOULD be tough, because there's nothing quite like that Friday glass or two at home, or the Saturday night out with friends, but childishly I justify that I've paid my dues with the ten year pregnancy/baby stint so I've a lot of catching up to do in that department!  Maybe I'll rethink circa Lent 2025.
Then I heard  that my good buddy Bronagh was giving up Facebook for Lent, as she also did last year, and I made the snap decision to join her, and seriously- for me, its a biggie! Between my blog, the craic and sheer nosiness of it all,  I do enjoy Facebook....maybe even a bit too much...so I know this is gonna hurt! Once I made the decision though, I quickly deleted the app from my phone and  went cold turkey- I knew that there could be no looking back and no long goodbyes!

As a family, we're also eschewing all electronic devices from 6pm during the week. That means no Leap Pad, DS, computer, IPads or internet of any kind from Monday to Thursday. Considering I watch TV at night while surfing Ebay/Amazon/Facebook on my iPad, this one's a challenge...but again, possibly a positive one? Finally I'm 'strongly encouraging' regular Trocaire donations from all family members (Intimidation anyone?) and attending a weekly series of Lenten talks. Phew! And if I manage to do all that I'll be doing well....watch this space!

3. Staying on the Lenten theme- Bless me Father for I have sinned, I went through my sky + box and deleted the entire series of 'Africa'. I mean what kind of person deletes David Attenborough and saves Gok Wan? It's SO wrong but what can I say?  I didn't like the look of my percentages and once I started hitting that yellow button and feeling that heady excitement as I watched those numbers creep up, I couldn't stop 'til I'd done the lot. And to be completely honest, although I loved the first episode, I found the second a bit 'ho hum' and the kids kept making excuses about homework and piano practice every time I suggested watching it, so unfortunately it was just a question of when. Still I'm not proud of it so that'll be 10 Hail Marys and a Glory Be for me. 

4.  Our 'Carseat Boogie' this week? Well, this song came on the other day and immediately I was transported back  20+ years, watching Otis and the Elevators, (a local 'Blues Brothers' Tribute band) with a pile of friends in a crowded bar. Tassle skirts and DMs, cider and black and White Musk, sneaky fags and cheeky snogs. Good times ....lost in my reverie, I then happened to glance into the rearview mirror and there was Luke, oblivious to me, boogying away in the back, eyes closed, totally lost in the music. Hope you like it too.....Happy Friday loveliesxxx


PS If you haven't already I'd be most grateful if you'd take a wee minute and nominate me in the MAD (Mum and Dad) Blog Awards 2013.( The closing date for nominations is February 18th and just pick whichever categories you think are suitable).
Thanks a million, Emxx

My Shopping Hell....

I'm mostly an Internet shopper myself. I've wholeheartedly embraced online retail and I'm really focused on doing my bit for the economy. Each little shoe purchase helps lift this country out of recession-one (cheeky  'Irregular Choice' clad) step at a time. Sadly, Loverboy doesn't always share my altruistic spirit, but I'll continue to try and illuminate the big picture for him.
Nevertheless, I'm not biased where shopping is concerned and there's definitely something to be said for the old fashioned experience as well. It's just that these days, I don't have the same opportunities because, as every mother knows, children and shopping aren't your ideal combo. Toddlers and shopping, even less so. As a result, in general, I tend to avoid it...then gradually the memories fade, and I give it another shot. Which is exactly what happened the other day, when I clocked a seventy percent off sale in a chic little local(ish) boutique. That's right. Seventy. Per.Cent. Well, I'm only human, so despite the fact that I had Luke, that it was almost nap time, and most crucially, that I had no method of containment (buggy) for him, I made the call to pop in. That was my first mistake.
There were two sets of glass doors into the shop- the first an ordinary push/ pull one, the second an automatic sliding kind. In we went, through both doors and I got to work, with one eye on the rails, the other on Luke who was toddling around me. Then, after a few moments of rummaging, I heard a little yelp, then another and glanced round frantically for him. I found him sitting, happily enough, in the inner doorway, bewildered, as the sliding door opened and closed on his toddler body, squashing him slightly each time.(And the Mother of the Year Award goes to....)
Undeterred, I hauled him out of there and sat him up on a chair with a (plain) biscuit in the hope of buying myself a few more minutes. But of course, that would have been far too easy. Down he got and  began a charm offensive on the very nice, perfectly groomed, older sales lady. She was talking to him, 'Who's a lovely boy? And what a lovely hat! Did your mummy knit you that hat? (Yeah, Right.) Oh yes, you're a lovely boy, aren't you? Aren't you?'
There was then the briefest of pauses and I glanced up from the rack  to see that the smile had frozen ever so slightly on her face. I then looked at Luke and saw the reason why. He also wore a frozen expression -a familiar, fixed grimace on his reddening face- he'd clearly decided that this was the perfect moment to answer nature's call. By this time, the slightly flustered, but ever polite lady, was backing away, and I understood why, as a distinctly unpleasant odour began to circulate. Meanwhile, with the job done and apart from an unmistakeable new bulge to his rear silhouette, Luke was carefree once more and ambled off after his new friend, who by this stage, was dealing with a new customer. That was when I made my second mistake. With the thick skin five children have granted me, and three heavily discounted items on my arm, I eyed the tiny changing room and made the call. Go! Go! Go!
So at this point, squeezed into the world's smallest changing room, with my now completely offensive offspring, I was aware of the women on either side coughing, (and possibly even gagging), on the foul smell. To make matters worse, he then decided to play peekaboo with the curtain, periodically exposing ample amounts of my mottled white flesh to the rest of the shop. The final flourish to this nightmarish scenario was, of course, the fact that none of the items even fitted. It was all for bloody nothing. Completely stressed, and now most definitely persona non grata, I grabbed my malodorous shopping buddy, put my head down and got the hell out of there.
But the fun wasn't over yet, as once outside, I had a decision to make- to change him now or get him home and do it. Given the freezing temperatures of the January day, coupled with a distinct lack of facilities, I chose the latter. Understandably enough though, Luke had no wish to sit down in his car seat while 'harbouring a fugitive', so this meant actually forcing his rigid body into the seat, in order to buckle him in. Eventually though, amid ear splitting screams, with the heat turned up full blast and the windows down, I hurtled back home, vowing never, ever again. It's the virtual shopping experience for me from here on in-come back Amazon, all is forgiven......