Christmas Prep

Made me laugh!

Whoa- is it just me or are we seriously ramping up into Christmas mode now? It may be only early December, and the big day is still nearly three weeks away, but I'm detecting a definite whiff of panic in the air. The fact that we haven't bought the tree yet, nor got a single decoration down from the attic is unusual, odd even, because it looks like everyone else has!

When we lived in the US, and folks traditionally put their trees up the day after Thanksgiving, it seemed shockingly early... but not any more. Am I sounding a bit 'bah humbug' about it all? Don't answer that... but while I'm on a roll, here's another one- the taking down of trees almost as soon as Christmas Day is over. What is that about? It's a SEASON for goodness sake! Twelve days of Christmas and all that, and, seriously, there are few sights more forlorn than an abandoned tree on Boxing Day. That said, conversely, leaving it up too long is another no no- friends of ours had a desperate habit of leaving the tree up till Valentines Day, which is just wrong...and downright lazy. And yes, I realize that I'm sounding suspiciously like the Christmas Tree police, (Special Branch- geddit?), so I'll zip it...for now.

Other preparations? Well, I've booked my pre- Christmas Tesco delivery slot-  those slots are like gold dust and fill up fast but they're sooooo worth it. Never more so than a few years ago, when it was -13 outside, and the lovely Tesco man STILL made it out to us in the sticks! How we would've survived Christmas without that garguantuan cereal and toilet roll drop, just doesn't bear thinking about. (He DID admit though that he'd made the extra special effort because he thought we were an old people's home but still.... that's dedication for you!)

What else? I'm in the middle of writing my Christmas cards. Loverboy didn't manage to get a cheesy Christmas letter done in time this year but honestly, I reckon Facebook ticks that box now anyway. Plus, it makes them heavier and after dropping £50 on stamps this morning, I'm all about saving the rainforest.

I also spent a day cleaning and clearing  the toy room of junk/big plastic toys. Top tip- if at all possible do this job in the middle of the night, or at the very least, use black bags so your precious angels can't see what you're sneaking in there for charity/ bin/ other people's toy rooms. Start clearing and suddenly even the crappy Mc Donald's toys become beloved childhood heirlooms that they can't bear to be parted from. But somehow I managed it, and for a few short weeks I'm pathetically enjoying the sight of colour coded toy boxes and plenty of shelving space.

Present wise *whispers* I think we're almost sorted, which is great. And yet....I always have an uneasy feeling that I've forgotten something or someone important. Which is nonsense, I mean I've made the list, I've checked it twice...but still, I can't shake it off. It's the same story every year, and honestly it only ever leads to  unnecessary spending, which you KNOW I'm totally against, (except obviously in the case of absolute necessities ....like shoes or handbags.)

Guess who?

So, logically the next step, even though it's still a fraction too early, is putting up the Christmas decorations this weekend. I'll also be getting my Christmas playlist sorted, making the first batch of mulled wine and most thrillingly of all, revealing this year's seasonal toilet rolls. Meanwhile, Loverboy will be off to get the tree, which is actually more dangerous than it sounds. A few years ago, he dragged home a monster sixteen foot tree which we could hardly get upright. He said it looked much smaller in the field, which beside the twenty foot ones, it probably did.  I, on the other hand, am all about the small but perfectly formed, non shedding variety, or better again, an artificial one complete with snowy branches and lights. But this year, given that its probably our last one living in the country, Christmas tree-wise, he can knock himself out. So be afraid, my lovelies, be very afraid....

Cereal Drop...

The Tesco man came yesterday and here's a little picture of our cereal haul. From experience, I'm guessing this lot'll see us through the next month or so. (Apparently the Tesco packers thought we were actually a hostel or a B&B, given the sheer volume...and that's only the cereal!)
What I didn't snap, but wish I had, was the swarming hoard of children who surrounded the table just before I took this picture. The older two had just come in from school, (and instantly begged for a bowl for their snack,) while the younger three simply perched themselves up on chairs, just to fully absorb this marvellous sight. Cereal nirvana, I suppose...

Happiness is......a cupboard full of cereals..

There's nothing quite like a Tesco delivery van to raise the excitement levels round here. As usual, the hapless chap arrived and was instantly surrounded by a swarm of children, our own plus a few extra, all clamouring to see the goodies, the most important of which are the cereals. Before they're even unpacked, an inventory has been taken, and discussions initiated covering personal favourites, order of opening criteria, and for the very popular, number of allotted bowls per person. I've already  happened upon two of the boys quietly gazing at this magnificent sight with a look of deep satisfaction on their faces.Wouldn't it be just lovely to be so easily pleased?

Down the Toilet...

It started off badly and went downhill from there. A week ago, I'd done my bumper bimonthly grocery shop online, ( it took 2 hours and came to over £300), and was due to be delivered yesterday. (I also do a weekly shop, but this is serious bulk buying, as in 40 packets of cereal and 50 loo rolls-I kid you not!). Anyway I'd ordered from Sainsburys this time, just for kicks, and logged on to the Interweb the other night to add bleach. (Yes indeed-that's what I was up to at 10pm on Valentine's Night - I sincerely hope that yours was a tad more exciting!)
Then, all of a sudden,  my monster grocery shop went inexplicably AWOL. One minute it was there, the next lost somewhere in cyberspace. Quick as a flash, I sent them an email telling them what had happened and assuring them that I still wanted our lorry load to arrive between 11 and 1 the next day. Ha!
Next morning, of course, I got an automated response confirming that it had been cancelled (It had not!) and sincerely hoping that I would shop with them again. Cue my first murmured FFS of the day, but it certainly wasn't my last. Obviously, I then sent them a snotty email telling them that hell would freeze over before I'd shop with them again and they could shove their groceries ...or words to that effect. Then, because I STILL had no bleach, and we were down to our last three packets of cereal, I had no alternative but to spend the next two hours doing a similar massive shop on Tesco instead. FFS! Which only meant that my exciting morning plans of tackling the ironing pile so large that I could no longer force the cupboard door shut, was now my afternoon instead. FFS!
Prior to this, I had morphed into 'Tiger Mother' mode, (which in Ireland is just being a complete targe), turning off the TV, (this went down a treat as 'Spongebob' was on), and organising chores, piano practice and project work. To tell you the truth, all of my Tiger Mother buttons had been well and truly pushed the night before, when I'd been informed that my nephew, who's only five, is currently reading the entire Roald Dahl collection ON HIS OWN... FFS! So, with a renewed fire in my belly,( but not in theirs- It's half term after all), extensive reading material was chosen and new guidelines for personal and guided reading put in place. As you I can imagine my popularity levels are currently through the roof. FFS!
Logged into Tesco in a grim but determined mood, and I was nearly done by lunchtime. The kids were playing outside, Loverboy was munching on a sandwich, wisely leaving me alone to calculate the price of loo roll, when we became aware of the sound of gushing water in the background. Thinking that one of the kids had left the tap on in the downstairs loo, he went to investigate to find that the cistern of the toilet had only gone and cracked completely, and water was pouring out all over the floor. FFS! FFS! FFS!
Surely, this must scoop top prize in 'Crappiest Toilet Luck EVER'? Utter panic ensued- it was just like 'Titanic'. Naturally, the children relished the drama, rushing for torches and towels and later, hosting guided tours of the offending site for the neighbours' kids.
 The upshot is that it looks like we're going to need a whole new toilet, because you can't buy just the cistern. FFS! And further preliminary investigations have indicated yet another issue - Oh, why am I not surprised? Apparently, champagne coloured suites are now so passé that they're like hens' teeth, and we may have to go for a white one... which consequently would mean a whole new bathroom suite. For lack of a cistern the entire bloody bathroom may be lost. FFS! (screaming now!)
Later on, and with the ironing finally done, I'd pretty much lost the will to live- my mood was black and I didn't care who knew it. There was more to come- lying in bed late last night, the pipes in the attic began to make a very loud, dubious clanking noise... for a good ten minutes. My overly optimistic husband assured me that all it needed was a squirt of WD40, (don't we all, love), but because I'd just finished watching 'Death Unexplained ' about a coroner's office and combined with our indisputable bad plumbing karma,  I was tearfully convinced that I was about to clock out, in a most undignified fashion, by being squashed with an exploding water tank in my own bed. FFS!....Then I fell asleep.