Thursday, 26 April 2012

Lakeland..Proceed with Caution

Beware the Lakeland catalogue! And I say that as a concerned devotee. You see, I coveted their stuff before they opened a shop here, before it was mainstream, when it was still 'edgy', when a typical reaction was,
'Lakeland? Is that like Kleeneze?' (Sort of, only better.) 'Nope, never heard of it.'
And no, I'm not exaggerating when I say that I'd be LOST without my silicon egg poachers, and that I'm not actually sure how I LIVED without my insulated butter dish, and quite frankly, life would be INCOMPLETE without my Chip and Dice. And don't even get me started on this shoe tree, (Yes I know!  Both novel and space saving!) I snapped it up for the children's shoes that appear to breed in the playroom ..and it's been great. It IS perhaps a little precarious looking, but bear in mind the rigorous testing conditions it's been forced to undergo. 
Almost too good to be true!
So you get the picture- I'm a fan. That said, I know the power that it holds over me so there's a bittersweet dread when the latest catalogue pops through the letter box.  I always intend to put it straight into the recycling bin without looking ...but I can't. *holds hand up* I'm only human,  so  inevitably, I sneak a quick peek and then I'm off down that slippery slope.
With great clarity, I suddenly realise that I MUST possess that floral insulated picnic bag- how can we, as a family, possibly enjoy the summer without it? And surely nothing says 'sunny day'  like those beaded food covers? And what about the silicon cupcake cases? I don't even bake, but I soooo would if I had those bad boys. And the pinny with cakes all over it? Clearly, THERE is the reason why I havent become the master baker that I was born to be. I mean look it, I own all the latest cookbooks and I've even got an Aga, for God's sake, so it's practically compulsory! All this time, there was I thinking I was just a lazy trollop, when in fact all I needed was that gorgeous pinny! And now that the house will be coming down with cakes, I'll DEFINITELY need those coordinating tins....in all three sizes obviously, because there's nothing worse than having a cake in the wrong sized tin...I'd imagine.
You can see the problem here.
Poach pods-you"ll never go back!
The other night, as I was indulging in a Little Lakeland lust before going to sleep, (I know that sounds rude but unfortunately, it's so not), Loverboy glanced over from whatever rubbish car magazine he was pretending to read, (even though I KNOW he only looks at the pictures), and said incredulously,
'Are you actually reading a kitchen catalogue before bed?'
' I might be,' says I, ' and what?'
'Oh my God, that's sooo sad. Let's have a look. (putting on an excited voice) 'Oh yes, I simply must have that utterly useless piece of crap to clutter up my kitchen even more than it is already.' And away he went on this theme, but I'm proud to say that I didn't rise to the bait, not even to point out that he clearly had deep feelings for the poach pods, judging by the number of eggs that disappeared down his neck.  Eventually, by stonewalling him with dignified silence, the abuse stopped ..and yet he was still  having a good old nosy over my shoulder. Then,
'That sandwich maker looks the business. How much is that?'
 Dear, oh dear,oh dear,  if only our twenty year old selves could have seen us at that moment- tucked up in bed, dual control electric blankets on, perusing a kitchen catalogue together.... Or on second thoughts, possibly not. This Kodak moment (for eighty year olds), was our embarassed 'Oh God, we ARE sad', but for a twenty year old it would be a living nightmare. So I decided, no more Lakeland love in the bedroom...and I'm definitely drawing the line at the electric jam maker too...unless it goes on sale anyway.


  1. I think those poach pods make it look like a couple of boobs on toast! I have been known to adorn them with small dollop of ketchup for the full nipple effect.....

  2. I have to confess, I've never crossed its door!! However, I'll be hot-footing it down there tomorrow to get me some of those egg poachers. Love them! Cheers Em. :)

  3. used to be so excited to go to GLasgow because they had an ACTUAL REAL LIFE SHOP, so i could touch those cake liners(Y), see the banana holder in real life(yes i bought it only to find not all bananas fitted!) My best buy was the cookie holders that i sent the kids biscuits in to school, they doubled up for holding grapes - hence the bad and the good were held in them.

    Now Boucher road, i have to drive a different way, in case i become a jam maker, who never makes it, eat the Australian liquorise (what's so different about it?) and become really healthy (WHA?) or even better purchase another egg timer that goes in the pot to boil the egg to the required time(cos i forgot I can look at the clock!) In fact all these items were great, cos it is a proper good shop.

    Seriously, I thought it was only me, even in March Caoimhe said, 'RIght mum, when do we need to fit your trip to Lakeland in to your visit?'!

    Lakeland Anonymous meets tonight my house - bring your own catalogue...cos you sure as hell aren't getting mine.

  4. Amazing variety. For the Lakeland challenged Yanks out here:

  5. You 'have' to get the cling film dispenser -utterly fantastic - from a sad male engineering point of view - but really - a gadget that works!

  6. Hee hee - you've got a problem.

  7. Laughed and laughed Ems!!! I can just hear Loverboy being a cheeky article!! I have an electric carpet sweeper which me Mammy got me from Lakeland and it really is the business!!! Mary xxx

  8. Hahaha I looooove Lakeland. The Hub has to march me past its doors or it's curtains for our bank balance everytime we go into town