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Thursday, 13 December 2012

Hitting pause.


There's loads of stuff going through my mind at the moment. I could talk to you about how depressing it feels to watch the riots in Belfast played out on the TV, the terrible effect it's all having on the Christmas trade here, the damage to the city's fragile reputation and the fear that we're somehow taking an unwelcome step back into troubled days gone by. All because of a flag. Where on earth will it end?

I could also tell you about my old friend's mother who passed away suddenly this week, and the deep sadness I feel for her. I spent lots of time in their home as a child and those bittersweet memories are trickling back. What sorrow now for her family, perhaps even more raw at Christmastime.

I could talk about my cousin and dearest friend Maryrose, who died just before Christmas four years ago, leaving a young family and a loving husband behind her. A terrible loss of a short life that was blessedly lived to the full. An aching, gaping hole that she once filled so beautifully.

And yet despite all of this, here and for now, our little world still turns- there's presents to be bought, meals to be made, uniforms to be washed, carols to be sung. Life pauses in tragedy.... and carries on regardless. It's both a curse and a  grace- the distractions and minutiae of our daily life drag us along with them and very, very slowly, the inner pain lessens. We carry on, not unscathed, nor without scars but still here. And possibly with a greater appreciation for today and for those we love. Sometimes anyway.

But today, I'm definitely not going to talk about any of that, because right now, I'm going to go and put on another load of washing after the vomit-athon we enjoyed here last night and then I'll do the school runs and the homeworks,  and maybe later on I'll go to a wake. And tomorrow? Well, tomorrow I'm going to take myself into Belfast with Loverboy and we're going to enjoy our great city at Christmas time, and ignore the rest... for a little while anyway.  Because life goes on.

14 comments:

  1. Thank you Emma. Always hard to find the right words for the big questions and the difficult topics, but you have said it beautifully.
    Today I'm remembering and taking a pause with you and other old friends.

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    1. We paused together then. I'm glad we did.

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  2. I've been lurking on your blog for a while, but I've just realised I knew your lovely cousin at school, and I had no idea that she had died. I'm so, so sorry to hear this.

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    1. Thank you- it was devastating. Four years ago tomorrow,

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  3. A brilliant post Emma. So thought provoking. LOVE reading your blog!!! This post and the donkey derby one are my favourites of the year. You are brilliant at this blogging malarky. DONT STOP!!
    Michelle x

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    1. You are a wee darling Michelle and have cheered me right up! This post AND the donkey derby- what a mixed bag!

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  4. Lovely post. It's sad times like this that make you squeeeze your family just that little bit more x enjoy Belfast x

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    1. Exactly right. And Belfast was fabulous :-)

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  5. Beautiful post. Christmas is such an emotional time and always sad to hear of people dying so near to Christmas. With two young girls taking their own lives in Donegal I will definitely be squeezing my kids that little bit tighter tonight.

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    1. I heard about that- poor poor family. God love them,

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  6. I know the feeling.. It's horrible all this 'fleg' carryon and the way it's affecting people's perception of Belfast! Well done you for getting on Witt things! It is nice to think about the loved ones we've lost and then be thankful of what we had and what we still have. Happy Christmas to u and ur family! Say hi to Mary and 'uncle Jim' Fi x

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    1. Aw thank you Fiona. I will indeed and a happy Christmas to you and yoursxxxx

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