And no, I'm not saying that's a good thing!
Enjoy.
A MOM’S LIFE
by
Delia Ephron
Take it downstairs when you go
Don’t leave it there, take it upstairs.
Is that yours?
Don’t hit your brother.
I’m talking to you.
Just a minute, please, can’t you see I’m talking?
I said, don’t interrupt.
Did you brush your teeth?
What are you doing out of bed?
Go back to bed.
You can’t watch in the afternoon.
What do you mean, there’s nothing to do?
Go outside.
Read a book.
Turn it down.
Get off the phone.
What did you do with Mommy’s phone?
Tell your friend you’ll call her back. Right now!
Take a jacket.
Take a sweater.
Take one anyway.
Someone left his shoes in front of the TV
Get the toys out of the hall. Get the toys out of the bathtub. Get the toys off the stairs.
Do you realize that could kill someone?
Hurry up.
Hurry up. Everyone’s waiting.
I’ll count to ten and then we’re going without you.
Did you go the bathroom?
If you don’t go, you’re not going.
Why didn’t you go before you left?
Can you hold it?
What’s going on back there?
Stop it.
I don’t want to hear about it.
Stop it, or I’m taking you home right now.
That’s it. We’re going home
Give me a kiss.
I need a hug.
Make your bed.
Clean up your room.
Set the table.
I need you to set the table.
Don’t tell me it’s not your turn.
Please move your chair in to the table.
Move your glass, it’s too close to the edge.
Sit up.
Just try a little. You don’t have to eat the whole thing.
Stop playing and eat.
I’m not giving you mushrooms. I’ve taken all the mushrooms out. See?
Would you watch what you’re doing.
More what?
More, please. That’s better.
How many times have a told you, don’t do that.
Don’t argue with me. I’m not discussing this anymore.
Do you want a time out?
Go to your room.
No, ten minutes are not up.
One more minute.
Where did the cookies go?
Eat the old fruit before you eat the new fruit.
Is your homework done?
Stop texting while I’m talking.
Stop texting while you eat.
Give me your phone.
Stop yelling. If you want to ask me something, come here.
STOP YELLING. IF YOU WANT TO ASK ME SOMETHING, COME HERE.
I’ll think about it.
Not now.
Ask your father.
We’ll see.
Don’t sit so close to the television, it’s bad for your eyes.
No more video games.
Until I say so.
Calm down.
Calm down and start over.
Is that the truth?
Fasten your seat belt.
Did everyone fasten their seat belts?
I’m sorry that’s the rule. I’m sorry that’s the rule. I’m sorry that’s the rule.
Copyright: Funny Sauce, essays about Family Life, by Delia Ephron
