Friday Quicktakes

1. Over the last six weeks, I have sold my entire wardrobe on ebay and now I haven't a stitch to wear. Ahem. Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration- as Himself observed helpfully last night it still looks pretty well stocked to him, and then my sister cheerily pointed out that the fact I had so much to sell in the first place, said a lot more about my shopaholic tendencies, than my business acumen.

Myself and the lady in the post office are now besties- she'll refer to my numerous grey packages and make comments like  'Just the usual then for all of them?' and ' Your husband must be delighted with you!' and 'Now, who would even think of buying tights on ebay!?'

But thankfully for me,  some people do, which is just as well given the fact that so far, I've excavated fifteen unopened pairs from my drawer. A lovely selection too- tights and stockings of all different colours and deniers and yep, they were snapped up in no time.

But why on earth did I buy them all in the first place? Especially when I only wear skirts once or twice a year. Well, I think my logic was that I really should wear more skirts, and if I had the perfect tights, I would wear more skirts, and then they just sneaked in one by one over a few years until one day I opened the drawer and thought 'My God! Those tights are actually breeding in there.' (Frozen chickens and now tights- is this what a midlife crisis looks like?)

Conclusion- After extensive statistical analysis clearly showed no positive correlation between the number of tights in my drawer, and the frequency of skirt wearing, the tights' days were numbered. Photos were taken, descriptions written and they were uploaded to my ebay in no time at all...... and the skirts followed fairly sharpish.

2. Mother's Day this weekend, which has meant horrid time consuming Mothers' Day homeworks all week.  It. Is. Like. Pulling. Teeth.
 Rory, after a huge amount of thought and deliberation counted 'folding clothes' as one of my talents. Well, I was deeply touched obvs.
He also felt it important to include the fact that I had 'lots and lots of shoes.' Great, Imelda Markos with OCD tendencies. But the question is, is that better or worse than the previous classic of  'My Mummy has ginger eyebrows.The end.'

Conclusion-there is no positive correlation between Mothers' Day Homeworks and maternal self esteem. In fact, emperical evidence suggests that there may actually be a negative correlation instead.

3. I'm off this weekend with the girls*  for an overnight to Dublin....as in, a hotel + gossip+ no children + lots of  Prosecco + a lie in. Hell, I'm even looking forward to the hangover. But is it a teensy bit wrong that a night away from your kids is like the best Mother's Day present EVER? Don't answer that.

4. In honour of Mother's Day I'm going to include a themed Amazon ad instead of the usual Boogie in the Car seat. I warn you now-it's a bit cheeky, but I hope it gives you a giggle.
Happy Mothers Day, lovelies xxx

* All the 'girls' are in their thirties (or maybe very early forties...even if they totally don't look it) and are all married with children, so strictly speaking, are no longer girls. However, the mothership still enjoys early bird suppers  meals out with her loyal band of ' girls' and those chicks are all kicking the arse off seventy, so I'm running with it.

PS. I'm still officially on a high at being a finalist again in the MAD Blog Awards. Will you take a minute and give me your vote in the Family Life and Most Entertaining categories? I know it's a torture, but it's dead quick and it could mean an actual prize come September....rumour has it that it may even be a year's supply of Caramel Squares, so I'm highly motivated.xxxx

THAT Lily Charmed Necklace - A Review

When it comes to jewellry, my working hypothesis is 'the bigger the better.' I love big, 'in your face' statement pieces- necklaces that jingle when you walk, knuckle duster rings in all colours, chunky studded bracelets-that's the kind of adornment that floats my boat! If  you ever look at a piece of jewellry and think 'that's just waaaaay too much',  then rest assured, I'd probably love it.

Who said it had to be true??

Which is why I surprised myself by falling for the gorgeous, delicately detailed Lily Charmed necklaces and bracelets. I mean, this is proper, ladylike, sterling silver jewellry...and I love it!
On their website, you choose one of theirs, or design your own perfect piece for a particular person or occasion, then you get to personalise the message and the packaging- so much more thoughtful than just buying off the shelf!
 Best of all, they won't break the bank, ranging from £20-£35, with free (and fast!) UK delivery. Sure you couldn't beat it with a big stick!
 Not wishing to rub your nose in it, (I SO do), I chose this beautiful crown necklace to review and it arrived beautifully personalized and packaged, in loads of time for  Mother's Day.

A bit too 'carry on' ?

Is that a tear?

Which now I think about it, completely lets Loverboy off the hook, because I'm simply going to give it to him...to give to the kids...to give it to me next Sunday for Mother's Day. (That'll be before I get cracking on dinner for 19!). And just between you and me, I've even been practicing my 'surprised' face in anticipation...Work it baby!

Without Further Ado!

Remember  my competition for the gorgeous  Lily Charmed necklace? Well, we got ourselves a winner!! It's Emma Gallagher- so well done to you Emma- the necklace is winging its way to you, as we speak!
 I actually did the draw yesterday in our kitchen and in the interests of fairness, I got Loverboy to video it, so if you fancy checking it out AND having a nosy around our kitchen, be my guest!
I have to say - it's the weirdest thing watching yourself on video...and not at all pleasant as it turns out. Do I actually sound like that? Do I usually say 'without further ado' every ten seconds? What in God's name is going on with my hair and what a bummer- the camera really DOES add 10lbs...and then some! No doubt about it though-I've a great face for radio! Catch ya later xxx
PS- I'll  be doing a review of the very same necklace on the blog tomorrow so stay tuned, peeps!

Friday Quicktakes

1. Peeps, it's March- doesn't just hearing that warm the little cockles of your heart? Between that and M&S doing their £1 a bunch daffs, it would appear that Spring has officially sprung! Of course, for me, a less welcome sign is the first slurry spraying of the season, which even after seven years living in the country, is no more endearing. It certainly doesn't help matters that our house is surrounded entirely by fields, so no matter which way the wind's blowing, we get to enjoy maximum potency. Honestly, between the slurry on the fields and the potty training in the house, I'm feeling like a bit of a shit magnet at the moment - other women attract flowers and jewelry, I attract faeces. Does that make me special?

2. Tenuously staying on the slurry/country theme, I've a little piece of news for you. Scratch that, I'm just being coy, because it's actually an enormously massive piece of news- we're putting the house on the market in the next few weeks and moving back to the city! Yep, it seems that despite my very best efforts, you can take the girl outta Belfast, but you can't take Belfast outta the girl.
I have to tell you, it's taken an enormous amount of soul searching, and I've honestly never worried more about any decision EVER, so I really, really hope we get it right. But let's face it, given the current economic climate, we could be here for a good, long while yet and that's completely okay- we've finally reached a decision, the wheels are in motion, and when I'm not fretting about it, I'm quietly excited. Footpaths, other people's chimney pots...I've missed the oddest things.
Of course, like everything in life, it's never black and white, and as a wise person once told me (in all seriousness), you've got to weigh up the prawns and the cons, and that's just what we've done....So now I'm hoping and wishing and praying that it works out... wish me luck!

3. On a much more trivial, but  nevertheless diverting and entirely fabulous note, I just HAD to show you my latest little shoe bargain. Even better, it's almost entirely guilt free because of my recent inspired and prolific venture into eBay- the flogging of my own 'preloved' and 'gently used' footwear gems.
 These babies are by 'Poetic Licence', which are made by 'Irregular Choice' - they're red leather, with suede accents and sport the most striking textured leopard print wedge heel! More is more, I say! Oh, and their original price was 99 quid.
 I know, I know,  you want to know what I paid, don't you? Well, if  I were chatting to you now, I'd make you play 'Guess how much?', which incidentally, is a game Loverboy is no longer allowed to play because he refuses to follow the very simple rules. These are
a)start high with your guesses and
b)express incredulous surprise every time the words 'No! Even lower!' are uttered. I mean, how hard is that!?
So even though it's not as much fun for all concerned, I'll just cut to the chase and put you out of your misery-  these little beauties cost me *drumroll please* £23 delivered and all!!!!.....I KNOW! (Take a minute if you have to.)
AND if that wasn't fabulous enough, they perfectly match the gorgeous bag the lovely Glenavy girlies bought me for my 40th, AND the vavavoom scarf my friend Jen gave me a few weeks back! It's as though they were meant to be mine.....predestined almost......written in the stars... (Okay, I'll stop now.)

4. Mothers Day is the 10th March - just a timely reminder if you want to get cracking on your 'gentle hint dropping'- some of us have already started. Go and check out my Mothers Day competition to win that gorgeous crown necklace too- who doesn't love a freebie? Especially one as lovely as that,  so get on it!

5. Finally, here's this week's Car Seat Boogie- Luke and I REALLY enjoyed this one...and it brought me right back too. Along with Irene Cara's 'Fame' it was the first record I ever chose myself, waaaaay back in 1982! I think it was were my early taste for the denim dungarees/cap combo originated too! Enjoy and happy Friday, happy March and happy Spring, my lovelies!

Mother's Day Competition!

I don't do usually do reviews and competitions on the blog, but with Mother's Day coming up next week, This Unfit Mother just couldn't resist this gorgeous sterling silver crown necklace from Lily Charmed. Costing £30, it comes beautifully presented, complete with a cheeky message making it the perfect present for your mum on Mother's Day....or heck, say nothing, keep schtum and keep it for yourself- I won't tell!

All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning it is to
1. Take a peek on the Lily Charmed site and tell me which piece is YOUR favourite- there's necklaces for every occasion so I guarantee you'll be hard pushed! Then, spill the beans here on the blog, or on Adventures of an Unfit Mother Facebook page, and then,
2. Share this post, (or tweet it!), and this little beauty could be winging its way to you in time for Mothering Sunday next week- easy peasy, lemon squeasy! (Yes, I actually do still say that.)

The competition runs until next Monday 4 March so get cracking!
By the way, you're spoiled for choice because Lily Charmed are also running a competition on their Facebook page and on Twitter so check those out for even more chances to win. Good luck my lovelies!

Rude....but Funny!

You may have already seen it- the new Amazon commercial for Mother's Day with about a zillion hits? My friend J told me about it last week, and given the fact that nearly every woman I know has read or is reading this particular book, I thought it only fair to share!  It's cheeky, I'll admit, so those of you who are easily offended, or generally quite holy may want to give this one a miss. (That's you, Ma, so just keep on moving, there's nothing to see here.) The rest of you Dirtbirds - don't say I'm not good to you-enjoy!

Its all about Me Me Me...

It's Mothers Day on Sunday, so this week brought the annual joy of self esteem-sapping homeworks. How could I have forgotten? Or maybe I just blocked it out?
Rory's involved three sentences on 'Things I like to do with my Mummy'. Not too hard surely? I sighed inwardly as I looked at his blank little face, and the inevitable prompting began.
'What do we like to do together Rory? How about listening to stories? Do you like it when I read to you?'
'Wellllll, Daddy usually does that. Can I include him?'
'No you can't.' I snapped, stung. 'Its about Mummy, not Daddy. He reads to you because I'm reading Harry Potter to Cormac or bathing Luke, and you can write ALL about him on Fathers'Day'. (And for the record, I don't recall HIM pushing your inordinately large head into the world without pain relief.)
Jude stepped in at that point, possibly sensing a rise in frustration levels.
' How about making pancakes, Rory? You loved making pancakes with Mummy on Pancake Tuesday?'
I nodded gratefully, determinedly ignoring the fact that I had used a powdered Betty Crocker mix, and his sole participation involved shaking a plastic container as vigorously as he could. But he decided to run with that one, and another about going to the park, (even though it's been a while), and then, his eyes lit up, 'I know, Mummy!'
'Yes, Rory?', (trying not to sound TOO eager but mentally punching the air.)
'What about you bringing me to Funderland? I LOVED doing that!' Oh, the innocent cruelty of a six year old.
'But Rory, that wasn't me. That was Auntie Mary.'
'Oh!' A pause. 'Well, what about a funfair? I'd love to go there! Or Toys R Us?'
 'NO! It has to be places that we've been to, not places you just want to go.' He was either missing the point entirely or very cunningly playing on my insecurity in a clever attempt to nail down future expeditions.
It only went downhill from there. Cormac had to 'interview' me, (and I use that term in the loosest possible sense), over the course of two nights. The first night involved describing what I looked like- a no brainer, you might think? So, I smiled my most winning mummy smile and prompted encouragingly,
'Well, Cormac- what does mummy look like?' I'm not ashamed to admit that I was quietly hoping for 'pretty' but, after an entire minute of scrutinizing my face, all he could come up with was 'You have ginger eyebrows'. End of.
Only slightly put off, I explained that his teacher might possibly be looking for a little more description so he had another good look. 'Errrm. your hair is ginger like your eyebrows..' (Enough about the eyebrows already. Who am I? Chris de Burgh? )
'What else Cormac? What about my eyes? What colour are they?'
'Emmmmmmmmmmm, blue.' And so it continued in this vein for what seemed like hours. Blood. From. A. Stone. Eventually it was done, and except for the eyebrows, I can honestly say that Cormac did not offer a single, original or unprompted observation. 
So my expectations were somewhat modified as we got cracking on 'My Mummy' Part Deux last night. This, rather optimistically, requested several paragraphs on 'Mummy's Job, Interests, Talents, Likes and Dislikes'. *laughs hysterically* After 15 minutes of deep thought,  the only interest of mine that he could come up with was 'going on Facebook'.
'You're not putting that in. It's not true anyway. What about music? Or my blog? Or Bookclub? Or taking Children's Liturgy? Or shoes? You KNOW  that Mummy loves shoes'.
'Oh yeah. I forgot about all those.' And so on.
'What job do I do then?'
'But, you don't have a job!'
'Well, my job is looking after the five of you! Do you think I just sit and read magazines all day?' I  asked him jovially. He didn't get the joke.
'I don't know. Do you?'
'No, I bloody don't. Do you know that Mummy has a BSc , a PGCE and an MA? With distinction, I might add!!' In retrospect, and judging by the alarmed expression on Cormacs face, this may possibly have been a little shrill. Offer it up.
'Alright then, just put down there that I used to be a teacher.'
The end was in sight. Thank God. It was-'Write about why your Mummy is special.' So determined to end on a high, I said with a breezy 'I could tell you all about why I'm special, Cormac', (giggle giggle), 'but you have to write this bit yourself. Come on now, really try hard.'
He scratched his chin. 'Emmmmm. I can't really think of anything. Let me see, you make our dinner and you look after us.'
'Yeeeeessssss I do. Anything else, though? Really think hard about why I'm special now'. By now, a distinct note of desperation has crept into my voice.
'Okay.' Deep in thought. 'I know!!!!' ' You pay for the oil!', he said triumphantly.
Well no, I don't as it happens, because I don't have a job, you see...but I didn't tell him that. I just smiled sweetly, while inwardly I crashed and burned. And if it hadn't been four o'clock, and I still had school runs and homework and dinner to do, then this ginger eye browed, Jeremy Kyle watching, jobless Facebook fanatic would have poured herself a very large glass of wine.